Saturday, April 6, 2019

So Long and Thanks For All the Tea

This whole surgery experience was eye-opening in a lot of ways that I did not expect. First off, I owe all of you an apology, turns out I lied when I said I was going to continue blogging after my recovery, I think the blog is well and truly dead and I am oddly ok with that. 

While I was waiting for surgery and the lead-up to it, I decided to tackle a writing project, a personal one documenting an RPG campaign I have been involved in for years. I expected it to be a slow, laborious, miserable experience that ended me exhausted and headachey and inevitably frustrated with the end result, much like writing my blog has been for the last couple of years. I thought that, since this started when the Gabapentin (for lack of a better way of putting it) fried my brain, that my brain had changed and this was the new norm, writing and having the ability to focus on it was not something I had anymore and I just had to work with it. Turns out no, I just had no inspiration left to write tea blogs, that was wildly driven home when in the space of a month I churned out an almost 54,000 word 100 page and counting mini-novel. (and then decided to turn it into an actual RPG journal prop, complete with lots of sketches, because of course I did)

The other thing I realized is that my relationship with social media has changed, a lot. I took a bit of a hiatus from posting things all the time and it has been wonderful. Not that the lovely people I interact with there are the problem, I like my occasional foray into socializing on the internet. No, my problem is it became a chore, the constant posting of tea and worrying about making sure I accurately represent it was exhausting, it made it hard to actually enjoy drinking it. I spent most of the lead up to the surgery and after just drinking tea and I forgot how wonderful it is to do that. So that means don't expect a ton of tea photos anymore, I will still do them occasionally (and post my crazy art projects because that is fun) but it will be for tea that is really special, or to show off beautiful teaware that happens to strike me on a particular day. I am going back to just drinking tea for me. 

It has been grand, I am sure I will  miss it on occasion, but now that I realize that for years I have been pushing myself to do things that just don't bring me joy anymore and it isn't a lingering problem from a medication that wanted me dead, I am going to celebrate that by setting myself free of that weight.